Comfortable With The Uncomfortable
How often do you feel uncomfortable in your life? When does it come up?
I was guided to write on this topic after my horse “Eddie” and I entered our first rodeo together last weekend. This uncomfortable feeling also arises for me as I send our first born, Hudson to Kindergarten and our youngest to a new sitter.
What is this uncomfortable feeling?
After my husband entered me in the rodeo, I rode more consistently and prepared. It wasn't very hard as my horse and I have been training for barrels the last 2 years, off and on. He knows his job, I know mine, we know how to work together and trust each other. All will be well, right… the morning of the rodeo I am in mom mode packing food and clothes,etc. As we leave the driveway I notice aggressive butterflies in my stomach. It was different for me because I am recently used to watching and supporting my husband picking up, while I watch the kids. Instead this trip is for me to perform. I could feel myself getting sick. I was very uncomfortable and had said to Slim, I don’t like this, I would rather be behind the scenes riding. I don't want to compete. Being the gestaltist I am, I dove into this sensation to see what it was that was stuck. I asked myself some questions, of what I was scared of? I had no answer as I was not scared of anything. I am not insecure, I am prepared, I am supported. So what was it?
What I have learned is that sometimes our sensations are backed by a reason for why we feel the way we do. Other times they are simply just energy and are not to be dissected and only to be felt. By doing this and not feeding into them, they will eventually pass. The sensation I was experiencing could have been excitement, nerves, worry. I’m not sure and didn’t find the use of putting a label on it. What I did know was that it was something I had to work through to get better at dealing with pressure.
How did I cope with this sensation?
When we arrived at the rodeo and unloaded the horses. The first thing that hit me was the smell of the environment. It calmed me as it smells familiar since we ranch very near to the rodeo grounds. I got really present with that sensation. Slim took the kids and I jumped on my horse and went away from everything to get grounded and be with my horse. After 15 minutes I felt better. I stayed calm (or distracted) till the first girl ran into the arena. I was number 11. I felt myself getting frustrated with this sensation taking me over and robbing me of joy. I became present and found my breath. This helped a little but was not enough. I then had a song come to my mind and my body started to hum it. I instantly was soothed, I continued to hum it to myself. The sensation was becoming less. The song's lyrics reminded me why I was here, and who I am. The melody soothed me. I was grateful and was able to get present and make a run with ease and enjoyment.
We all vibrate at a different frequency
This experience was very insightful to me to learn more about my body and the different frequencies. There are many ways to find calmness, so if something isn't working for you, try something else. Be aware of the signs that are sent to you. We are all different, so what will work for one might not work for the other. I seem to be calmed by music. Music has also been a way for me to debrief from my Equine Gestalt Coaching Sessions. The music comes to me in the exact tune to help me process and find flow again with my presence. I am very grateful for the song that came to me before running into the arena that day. It helped me have joy with my horse to experience the race how I wanted to experience it.
I hope this blog helps you become creative with your nerves as you do something new and uncomfortable. Do not shy from the sensation and instead get to know it. I feel this uncomfortable feeling is just a growing pain as we step forward in our lives. I am grateful to have had this experience. I now look forward to the next competition and will bring my new knowledge to use the day I send our boy to kindergarten. I am not sure how I will be, but know I will be ok. I send love, support and patience to all parents at this time, sending their babies off and reconnecting with themselves.
Trust, Surrender, Receive
xoxo
Cali