Where Do I Start?
Hmmm…… How about with, what’s up in the present moment.
Three days ago I put off writing this blog after two failed attempts. Writing my years lessons and experiences into one blog was feeling overwhelming! I was getting a headache. It was dragging on , missing points, getting confused then adding too much. I got frustrated and closed my laptop. “What is the purpose of writing this, no one cares,” said my inner troll.
The next morning I got 2 messages from 2 different moms about their sons, one a teenager and one a young adult. The boys are in a dark spot and sound like they have lost a part of self that is taking the joy out of their life and clouding their judgement. Both moms reached out saying the boys would be comfortable working with me, Slim and the horses. Slim and I both had tears in our eyes of gratitude that they asked for help and trusted us. It was at that moment that I realized, those boys are no different than me or any other person who has struggled or is struggling. Both growing up and struggling with all the stuff that life throws at us, stuff that gets us lost, confused and scared. I realized at that moment that by sharing my heart and experiences with others with the greatest intention is important. So here I write.
In my life it only took one person to transform my life. Now I could be that for someone else. So can you! Slim and I live our work and see people for who they are. We are kind to everyone and believe we all have a purpose and great potential to do good things in the world.
All pain has different causes and comes from different experiences but it all hurts, and we all have suffered from something! Sharing our stories and what has helped us could help someone else who is in need.
I have spent the last 8 years healing, understanding and getting educated so that when it's time I can show up and support the person in their darkest times to break the cycle and leave it in the dirt forever. I will dedicate my life to continue to grow so I can show up for myself and those around me while feeling immense peace within. I have come a long way and so can you.
When I was 12 years old (the years of dreaded puberty, if you have troubles with hormones you will understand me) all the way to 23 years old I suffered inside. I had no idea who I was, and didn't realize that I didn't. All I knew was I hurt, I struggled and I was never content. I only needed one person to see me for who I was, listen deeply to what I was trying to express and help me understand and navigate with no judgement . I met that man Chris Onslow, (M.Ed. Counselling Psychology , B.H.Sc. Addictions Counselling) when I was 23 years old , after I hit my lowest point in my mental health. I was about to leave my soul mate Slim Brown, because I hated myself and didn’t know how to love him. I was so numb it wasn't going to hurt me, as I couldn't feel. What Chris taught me was that I was not who I thought I was. It ended up that I didn't hate myself , I hated my EGO that I had created to be accepted. That was the start of my healing journey.
Don't EVER listen to what someone else says about you, if you know it is not true for you. Those words are coming from their own insecurities projecting onto you and will only hinder your self worth and growth. Let them go or speak up from your highest wisest self. Once you know yourself inside and out, those words won't be able to touch you, you will understand and not hold onto other people's stuff that they try and put on you.
I hope that reading this you understand that you are not alone, and that we are a safe place where you can find your answers. I don't have your answers but I know you do, and I will see you through till you find them. Conscious Effects is a business my husband, horses and I have created out of our experiences and lessons and the goodness of our hearts, to support people in their pain and struggles to live a more peaceful authentic life. In this life we get to be together and honor the horse who has always been there for both of us in good and bad, and that brought us together. Feels good to be home.
We are here for you! You do matter!
xoxox